"My killer, my lover"

I hate waking up in the middle of the night, it's when my emotions are most active and my mind is running wild...but I've been waking up early for the past week so I'll have to get used to it...

I'd like to get a couple of things off my chest, one of them is my current relationship with Katie, it's dying. With every day that passes I feel more...resentment towards her, not because she's a bad person (she's not), but because she doesn't help in the slightest. If I'm feeling bad there's no kind words that come from her, no intention to help in a way that I would consider good, which she KNOWS how to do it. Instead every time it's the words "I'm sorry" and she gets straight to the point by being blunt. Being blunt is all good but...I need kinder words then that, I need an explanation for WHY I'm not bad looking, for WHY I'm not a horrible person, saying "You aren't, so stop it because you know you aren't" doesn't cut it. Why? Because I can't convince myself of those things, I NEED someone else to help convince me of all the good things I could possibly be. Now I just get angry at times and don't respond as much to her because I feel like she's abandoning me, not making any effort to help when she knows I need it. She doesn't even bother to ask what I did in a day, she just says hi, becomes oblvious to my obvious need of help, then leaves.

On the other hand, someone else is back in the picture...Maya. I hung out with her, and it was the first time in 3 weeks that I felt really happy. She's been helping me out as much as she could, filling in the gaps for what Katie couldn't accomplish. Now whenever I feel bad or if I wake up early my first intention is to go to Maya, and why shouldn't I? She's the only reason I'm surviving right now.