Endless

Every night is a filled with unhappy feelings and grief. Countless thoughts and memories make everything unbearable. In school I hide behind the smiles of others, masking the pain and sorrow I'm feeling with pretend laughter and fools comments. I want the pain to stop, but as a new day starts, more confusion and turmoil are added on. I don't feel much hope anymore. Before the time came to shut my eyes, I used to have positive thoughts and think about the good times I've had, now all that's left in my soul is the heavy feeling of guilt and sadness...



...I wonder what's on the other side...

A Recollection of Thoughts

I figured I'd put one more blog down to get my final thoughts out, although this isn't the happiest of ones.

Maybe I'm just overreacting, maybe I'm taking things to far. I do feel betrayed from you, back-stabbed, slapped in the face... Honestly? It's not the first time I've felt like that coming from you. Forgiveness isn't even something on my mind right now, but it could be in a bit. I don't think you deserve me telling you how I felt, and I should've just bottled it up on the inside like all my other thoughts and feelings, but you provoked this one. Now I'm confused about whether or not I should help you and just forget all about it, or if I should stand my ground. I've never really stood my place before because usually I'm wrong, but I don't feel at fault here, and at the same time I don't want to blame you. Hell I might as well just blame it on bad luck again and damn emotions, but we both know that wouldn't be the real reason now would it? To sum it all up, I feel as if you screwed up, I don't want to say that to you directly because I don't take pleasure in making people feel bad. Again, the emotions of being back-stabbed and betrayed are very strong. Stick with your other friends for the time being, you never needed me, or at least I felt like you never did, so there's no reason for you to need me now. If you do want to fix things than you'll have to do it on your own time, but until then all I can say is good luck.

Finally, our friendship isn't over, but my resentment towards you is larger.

Zipper Fascination

In a world so confusing, the simplest of things can calm your nerves. They become more noticeable and in a strange way, seem fascinating. The zipper for example. How can something so small be so complex and simple at the same time? The two zipper strands aren't unified, separate, until a single "being" or "event" bring them together. You can't see how it works, which in a sense makes it a mystery and grabs my attention, however strange that may be. In a way I believe it relates to life. Two people could be completely oblivious to each other, only to be drawn together by an event or action. Problem is, they can also be torn apart by the same event, or a different one, whichever way you look at it.

In other more important news, I'm somewhat angry but I don't want to start anything so forget I said that. Also each day has depression meshed into it for various reasons, I can handle it for now but who knows for how long. Live and forget I suppose.