Losing Faith

I know that when people say, "We'll pray for you," that they only say it because it's the only thing they can do. Still, it pisses me off. People prayed for Sophia to get better, she didn't. And now people are praying for me to be strong? God doesn't make me strong, I do.

I still hear her laugh, sometimes

Her bed is still made. The rest of my siblings all sleep in my room because we don't want to go in there. Who could? It's now a bed without an owner, a family missing a piece. A silence that will neer be filled.

Unimaginable

I haven't posted anything on this in a while, I don't think anyone has. Today I will...for my sister. Sophia Christen, age 15, died. I watched her fade out, knowing that I'd never see her again. The pain is unimaginable. I can't do anything without randomly bursting into tears and falling on the ground, because everything reminds me of her. I'll never see her again...and although I try to take comfort that she's watching over us or in a better place, I can't even be sure of that. She was only 15....and God took that life from her, made our lives unbearable. We're not the first, I know, but now I feel the anguish, the pain. It's one huge nightmare, except we can't escape, and nothing will ever be the same. Everyone sends there regards, their warm thoughts and love, letting me know that they're their for me. I appreciate it, but I can't even read what they wrote without being sent into an unstoppable depressed state. I want to respond, I do, but it takes too much willpower just to keep myself emotionally stable. Whoever reads this, just know that I love all of you, so much. I just can't believe it was her...